so my friend Crissy is staying with me.
and before she left for a quick trip to Washington DC, we had one of those talks.
in summary, she talked to me like no one has talked to me before.
we were not really close in the past.
but she pointed some things about me that only a true friend could:
1) that i needed to go out more and stop being so serious about everything
2) that my world (and my life) is a bit small
3) why my existence was so lonely, despite my defense that it was self-imposed and motivated by business focus
4) that i was always stressed
5) and she was afraid that i'll end up being lonely
of course, i listened to it defensively.
because i know i understood myself better (being self-aware and all).
but two days from that discussion, i found myself bothered by everything she said.
because her suggestions made sense.
because she was correct.
then the day she left for Washington, i found her book in the bathroom.
Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho.
i read it the night before she left and told her that the first chapter hurt.
and only things that contain wisdom and truth can hurt me this much.
it was thoughtful of her to leave it for me for the time being.
i read it on my way to work.
and early into the book, the lead character talked about conforming to the normal life expected of us: that begins with an alarm clock, going to work, eating your lunch sandwich, going back to work, hanging out with friends after work, going to bed, to wake up to the sound of the alarm clock, and repeat cycle.
i've been struggling with a career dilemma recently.
whether to start looking for jobs that are higher in pay.
i am happy with my current job right now.
completely peaceful, non-stressful, they leave me alone, the pay is more than reasonable and i still get home with enough energy to dream.
i do not know how i feel about this career move yet.
but i intend to be more careful... not to get into the vicious cycle of a life ruled by the alarm clock.
hopefully, there will come a point when i do wake to do the sound of my alarm clock, i will be happy for another day ahead of me.