Sunday, May 6, 2007

best dinner

so this is the last night that my television and internet are cut off because of non-payment

to pass the time,
i went to a nearby McDonalds to grab a late-night dinner.
this was after a trip to the bookstore (also to pass the time).

i went to the cashier.
and an African-American woman behind the register immediately asked if i was going to get the usual, a medium iced coffee - vanilla.

after ordering the same thing from them several times, and her being the cashier most of the time... i must admit that her gesture (her remembering what i liked) warmed me deeply.

it dispels the judgment that African American folks are rough, rude and impolite.
people like her is what their community needs to uplift their tarnished image and reputation.

it is nice to see a genuine act of kindness from a place where you least expect it.

my happiness is simple.
a bucket of Kentucky's Fried Chicken.
McDonalds iced coffee.
creative men's fashion (no matter how cheap).
a good film,
a good TV show.

and this girl valued my happiness.

i do hope that someone will value her happiness too.

i ate my dinner there alone.
but felt comforted by the fact that there are other people around me.
i am an extreme introvert.
and value being alone.
but this whole time of being alone in an apartment with no television and internet broke my heart.
even though the silence was beneficial, considering all the life insights i've gained...
it was still a rough 4 days.

and the strangers around me,
that i usually hate for being too loud,
somehow felt welcome.

amidst the silence of being alone at my table,
i viewed the people around me with detached fascination.

a few tables occupied at 10:30pm.
and here we all were.
perhaps we all felt lonely at our respective apartments.
and just needed to get out of the house and establish some form of human contact.

in front of me were two old women eating chicken nuggets.
chatting sparsely.
shallow conversation mostly.

i hope i do not grow old alone.
and hope that i still have people in my life, decades from now, to share a meal with.

which makes me think:
maybe this is the reason why most of my aunts are grumpy.
a mixture of anger over lost opportunities, wrong life decisions and finally, a looming but hidden fear of growing a lot more older alone.

it is indeed a scary thought.

hopefully i remember to be more compassionate to them when i wake up.

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