i haven't been existential for the longest time but lately, not only was i evaluating my worth, i was also probably depressed.
i trace it back to two things:
1) my grandmother's death two months ago made me aware of life's short lifespan
2) my upcoming birthday
yes, a friend of mine argued that i accomplished much for my age. but money-wise, not yet, at least in New York terms.
i am no longer starting from scratch but it could be better and wealthier.
she said i needed to be have fun again in New York. to see it again as if i just arrived.
that night, she made sense and that offered me some comfort.
clearly, after over-eating a week after that, i knew i was not completely fine with the conclusion.
and so, from out of nowhere, from the second floor of a McDonald's, there i was looking at the street from the window near my table, it hit me...
"i made it."
i work in a Fortune 500 company, even though i am still low in the ladder but at least i was able to penetrate it. i started my own company when i was young. i wear nice clothes and paid for them in cash. i am free to live in this country legally. i am in New York, one of the most dynamic cities in the world.
i did make it, after everything that happened.
now, i need a month to celebrate. before i move on yet again and then five years from now, whine about what i've accomplished since then.