Friday, June 29, 2007

lessons for the next

my friend Cherrie's first child, Jade, just turned one.
and she had a great concept for a gift.

her closest friends (and me being a godfather) would fill up a Life Questionnaire for baby Jade to read when he grows up.

here are my answers:

The three most important things you should remember in life are:
1) you are responsible for and literally capable of creating and shaping your reality beginning with the power of your thought
2) do what you love and money will follow
3) your life will either expand or contract depending on your courage

20 yrs from now, I wish Jade…
1) will take his self-awareness seriously and take the time and effort to know who he is, his talents, the best career for him, where his happiness lies
2) will be happy, wealthy and successful on his own first before entering a relationship
3) willl remember life is short

To impress a girl that you like …
1) be yourself and nothing else… because it will be harder to sustain a lie in the long run
2) be happy with your own life first… the day you can say ‘ I Love my Job’ is the day you are ready for a healthy relationship
3) is to ask if she is happy with her life, if not, stay away

The most important lesson I learned in life is …
1) I am responsible for the my life and the reality I am in… both the good and the bad… and I have the power to change it
2) I need to be happy, complete and successful on my own first before entering a relationship
3) I have the right to say No

Falling in love is …
1) the best sensation in the world, completely unexpected, definitely powerful, although extremely overwhelming
2) a phenomenon that brings out all your insecurities and demons, hopefully you’ve healed them before that time
3) a feeling that is seasonal, the one you love has the right to leave you

The things you need to consider in choosing a career are …
1) Natural talents – do you have the inborn skills to do it and be great at it? Yes, things can be learned. But genius and excellence cannot.
2) Natural joy – do you really like doing it? If not, you are wasting years of your life
3) Evolution – will it make you a better person? Better world?

on the day of my death, these are the same things i will utter for the current generation as well as the generations after that.

2 songs

i am obsessed with two songs right now:
1) Requiem for a Dream
2) The Chairman's Waltz

i've been replaying both on YouTube.

Requiem for a Dream song, via the trailer of the film, The Fountain as well as the trailer of the film of the same name. Both films are by a brilliant director i've almost forgotten about... Darren Aronofsky.

it makes me want to return from my exile from film.
if i am to direct a film in the future, it will be as emotionally visual as his work.

The Chairman's Waltz, via an episode of the dance competition / TV show So You Think You Can Dance. The one featuring 'Jamie and Hok, Jazz. (when typed on the search field).

i remember how great i was choreographing interpretative group speeches and dances.

so, with two songs, i touch two of my passions that are so different from each other: film and artistic performance.

both come from the same core:

i am Creative.

The Fountain

just watched the end of the film, The Fountain.

i cannot say that i understand the film completely now.
but i found it extremely emotional.
it's like, i can only understand it emotionally.
and not meant to be understood intellectually.

just like what i think the film teaches:

you cannot understand life.
nor control it.
nor consume it.
nor prolong it.

you can only live Life.
and you live it by valuing every moment.
and the precious memory each moment gives us.

all we have is the Present Moment.
right now.
right here.

it is the flower in front of you.
the smell of the grass.
the sound of leaves slightly moved by the wind.
the face of your infatuation in front of you.
and the unexpected hug from an ex.

right there and then, that is Life.
so stop and feel it completely.
because in an instant, the second and minute hands move.
and the moment is gone.

hopefully it was pleasant.

kindest gesture

i had a fight with my best friend yesterday.
i was convinced that he was dumb.
and i mean that in a mental capacity kind of way.

then, as i was watching TV, i remembered that i would not have a TV in the first place if he did not give me one.

four years ago...
during my first job at an American company, i was severely mistreated.
like i was a third class citizen.
my job description was that of a Marketing Assistant.
but, in reality, i was doing the chores of an underpaid low-class errand boy.

maybe to make her conscience clearer, my boss gave me a used TV one day.
mind you, i started in the US with no television.
i was that poor.

yes, now i realize that a victim is only a victim by choice.
he becomes one when permission is given to his victimizer to treat him unjustly.
we consciously or unconsciously teach people how to treat us.
but during that time, i have not learned that lesson yet.

when i finally took control of my life and my power and my Voice, i resigned.
on the same day i confirmed i was accepted at another job.

that stupid woman boss somehow felt taken advantage of.
i heard she was furious upon learning of my resignation.
what a fucking warped sense of reality, really.
to think she is under the impression that she was the one abused here.

she was at her posh country home when i resigned.
she heard about it from my immediate supervisor, a fat man with no spine who kissed her ass.

over the phone, she instructed my supervisor to tell me to return the TV.

so, right there and then, full of anger, i left the office and went home.
got the TV she gave me from the alleged kindness of her heart.
paid for an expensive cab ride back to the office.
handed it to my immediate supervisor.
said goodbye to my co-workers.
and left.

for 3 days after that, i did not have TV again.
then out of the blue, my best friend calls me.
he made a surprise drive to my area.

announcing that i should go downstairs to help him with something.
as i approached his car, from the trunk, i see him take out a brand new TV.

back to the present, out of the blue, i called him to thank him for his kind gesture 4 years ago.

i am sure he felt warmed by that.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

here we go again

i am so affected after reading a few more chapters of Veronika Decides to Die.

when it started talking about Impossible Love.
and how we fantasize of lost loves and, like a movie, review and rewind memories of a love that used to be sweet.

although i have gotten better about it,
what the book said still hurt.

then i encounter a quote in my Yahoo Inbox saying the following:

It is impossible to win the race unless you venture to run, impossible to win the victory unless you dare to battle.
~Richard M. DeVos~

which was so timely since i was hesitating from taking an opportunity to get a higher position and better paying job.

i feel my life is moving forward again.
and that scares me.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Veronika Decides to Die

so my friend Crissy is staying with me.
and before she left for a quick trip to Washington DC, we had one of those talks.

in summary, she talked to me like no one has talked to me before.
we were not really close in the past.
but she pointed some things about me that only a true friend could:

1) that i needed to go out more and stop being so serious about everything
2) that my world (and my life) is a bit small
3) why my existence was so lonely, despite my defense that it was self-imposed and motivated by business focus
4) that i was always stressed
5) and she was afraid that i'll end up being lonely

of course, i listened to it defensively.
because i know i understood myself better (being self-aware and all).

but two days from that discussion, i found myself bothered by everything she said.
because her suggestions made sense.
because she was correct.

then the day she left for Washington, i found her book in the bathroom.
Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho.
i read it the night before she left and told her that the first chapter hurt.
and only things that contain wisdom and truth can hurt me this much.

it was thoughtful of her to leave it for me for the time being.

i read it on my way to work.

and early into the book, the lead character talked about conforming to the normal life expected of us: that begins with an alarm clock, going to work, eating your lunch sandwich, going back to work, hanging out with friends after work, going to bed, to wake up to the sound of the alarm clock, and repeat cycle.

i've been struggling with a career dilemma recently.
whether to start looking for jobs that are higher in pay.

i am happy with my current job right now.
completely peaceful, non-stressful, they leave me alone, the pay is more than reasonable and i still get home with enough energy to dream.

i do not know how i feel about this career move yet.
but i intend to be more careful... not to get into the vicious cycle of a life ruled by the alarm clock.

hopefully, there will come a point when i do wake to do the sound of my alarm clock, i will be happy for another day ahead of me.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007


this quote sums up my motive behind why i do the things i do:

I am certain that after the dust of centuries has passed over our cities, we, too, will be remembered not for victories or defeats in battle or in politics, but for our contribution to the human spirit.

~John F. Kennedy~

Saturday, June 16, 2007

great quote

"Be yourself,everyone else is taken."


who are you not to be?

Favorite quote.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?"

Marianne Williamson

Friday, June 15, 2007

dance seductively

i was at my friend Issah's wedding last Sunday.

it was so much fun.
actually, it was the most fun i had in years.

i surprised myself:
apparently i can be completely carefree and capable of joy.
and not give a shit about what other people think.
and be completely irreverent for the sake of a good time.

i was so convinced that i was an extreme introvert.
but as soon as the dancing started, i was one of the first on the dance floor.
and danced seductively in front of a gasping crowd made up of the older generation filled with an equally old set of inhibitions.

i knew i had charisma and magnetism.
but i did not expect to have that much.
enough to thaw even the most shy and introverted from the crowd.
enough to prompt them to start having a good time.

something happened that day.

i now find myself more carefree.
days after that Sunday.

may i never lose this personal freedom.