films that made me cry:

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Garden State
Brokeback Mountain
Contact
Sideways
The Queen
Under the Tuscan Sun
The Namesake

by the way,
i am listening to the song, Such Great Heights, as i am composing this list.

the song feels so sad, authentic, sincere and hopeful all at the same time.

pretty much like the films listed above.
that is why, despite my passion for men's fashion, i don't think i will ever lose my quiet love for film as a medium.

films are big omens in my life.
the right film always comes along whenever i feel lost in life.
mostly whenever i need to heal a certain pain.

only film has the power to make me cry.
the only other thing is a broken heart.

i now honestly think that we cannot heal a broken heart from a failed relationship.
no matter how much we move on or tell things to ourselves to help us move on.

i now believe that, as bad as it may sound, only a new romantic relationship can cure a previous pain.

not that we need to jump into a new relationship immediately after the dissolution of a previous one... just to heal a current pain...

maybe it is just me,
but some pain from my ex still hurts whenever i hear a sad song.
or see a romantic film or tv show.

i am mentally over it.
and my life has not stopped just to grieve about it.
nor do i put my life goals on hold while waiting to get over it.

i am now doing my dreams in life.
it is just sad that the relationship had to end just so that i can evolve to be a better person... so i can be ready for my dreams in life.

a friend told me that the key to getting over someone is to imagine the scenario as if the relationship still continued even if things were extremely rocky and negative.

i thought about it...

and concluded that even if our relationship survived and continued,
it would be so emotionally difficult for both my significant other and myself.

because being an emotional mess during that time,
i would have been a burden to him.

and he would be a constant savior to me.
and i would never have learned to stand on my own feet.
and come to my own as an individual.

so my friend was correct.
imagining this scenario was helpful.
because it gave the conclusion that the break-up was best for both parties.

my friend added that one must question whether the break-up was beneficial to the evolution of the parties involved.

in my case, yes.
i just wished that he was still around to experience my better self.

i asked for a second chance during that time.
and he said no.

as sad as it may be,
my better self perhaps is meant to be reserved for the next one.