quote

The artist must conceive with warmth
yet execute with coolness.

- Robert Townsend

paradise is in the sages

my friend, Mhir, shared this great story with me.
i am not sure where it originally came from.
hence, i apologize that i cannot credit its source respectfully as of now.

below is the story:

...A rabbinic story underlines a similar point:

In a dream, a devout disciple of the master was
permitted to approach the Temple in Paradise where all
the great old sages who had studied the Talmud all
their lives were now spending eternity. He gazed in
at them, and to his amazement, they were all sitting
around tables, just as they had done on earth,
studying the Talmud still! The disciple watched them
passionately exclaiming and arguing and reverently
fingering the text. He wondered, "Is this really
Paradise? It seems like the earth." But then his
thoughts were interrupted by warm laughter. "You are
mistaken. This is not Paradise. The sages are not in
Paradise. Paradise is in the sages."

the abyss

Joseph Campbell wrote:

"It is only by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure. The very cave you are afraid to enter turns out to be the source of what you were looking for. "

our office does not miss us

there is life outside of work.
there is a Me outside of work.

i've been absent from work for 3 days now.
and i just realized,
i do not miss work.

and...
while i need it to pay the bills, i truly do NOT need it.

and...
our office can survive without me.
it can be paralyzed for a day or two.
but it will adapt.
and soon, it will adapt without me in the picture.

so why do i live to work?

about courage

quote:

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear — not absence of fear."

~Mark Twain~

perception

quote:

It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see.

~ Henry David Thoreau~

helen keller

quote:

I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.

~Helen Keller~

Conversation with God

read the book.

enough said.

world without us

last Saturday, i went to my favorite bookstore and stayed there for a few hours until early evening.

after that, i went underground to take my train home.

there was no one there.

at first, i got scared.
feeling vulnerable that no one will help me in the event i get robbed (although highly improbable).

and then, my fear changed.
it was now a fear of the insane possibility or concept of being the last man on earth.

what if i was?

i love my introverted nature.

but that night, i missed having someone around - whoever that person may be.

it was sad being alone.
and it was scary.

after 15 minutes of missing anyone, a college boy appeared.

it was the two of us now waiting for the train.

then boarding the same one.

great quotes

1)
Accept yourself as you are. Otherwise you will never see opportunity. You will not feel free to move toward it; you will feel you are not deserving.

~Maxwell Maltz ~

2)
"Inspiration, creativity, and growth come easier when you are in a peaceful atmosphere. Allow enough time to know yourself better. Be relaxed and, most importantly - be gentle with yourself."

~Thomas D. Willhite~
Living Synergistically

3)
There is more to life than increasing its speed.

~Mahatma Ghandi~

4)
Real difficulties can be overcome; it is only the imaginary ones that are unconquerable.

~Theodore N. Vail ~

5)
The future depends on what we do in the present.

~ Mahatma Gandhi~

6)
Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson~

7)
We don't live in a world of reality, we live in a world of perceptions.

~Gerald J. Simmons~

8)
What we see depends mainly on what we look for.

~John Lubbock ~

9)
"I am willing to put myself through anything; temporary pain or discomfort means nothing to me as long as I can see that the experience will take me to a new level. I am interested in the unknown, and the only path to the unknown is through breaking barriers, an often painful process."

~Diane Nyad~

10)
"We have all been placed on this earth to discover our own path, and we will never be happy if we live someone else's idea of life."

~James Van Praagh~

11)
"The ego problem is a result of a society that promotes exploitation. Being better than, prettier and smarter than, or richer than, at the expense of someone else, is an ego barrier. Only when a person confronts this problem, recognizes and admits where they are, will there be a possibility for constructive change."

~Thomas D. Willhite~
Living Synergistically

12)
Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.

~Mary Ann Radmacher~

13)
"Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; its when you had everything to do, and you've done it."

~Margaret Thatcher~

14)
"Fantasies are more than substitutes for unpleasant reality; they are also dress rehearsals, plans. All acts performed in the world begin in the imagination."

~Barbara Grizzuti Harrison~

15)
When your fear touches someone's pain, it becomes pity. When your love touches someone's pain, it becomes compassion.

~Stephen Levine~

16)
The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes.
~William James~

road to happiness

"The road to happiness lies in two simple principles; find what interests you and that you can do well, and put your whole soul into it - every bit of energy and ambition and natural ability you have."


~John D. Rockefeller~

buddist prayer for peace

May all beings everywhere plagued
with sufferings of body and mind
be quickly freed from their illnesses.

May those frightened cease to be afraid,
and may those bound be free.

May the powerless find power,
and may people think of befriending one another.

May those who find themselves in trackless,
fearful wilderness - the children, the aged, the unprotected
- be guarded by beneficial celestials,
and may they swiftly attain Buddhahood.

Jung

"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens."

~Carl Jung~

JFK

I am certain that after the dust of centuries has passed over our cities, we, too, will be remembered not for victories or defeats in battle or in politics, but for our contribution to the human spirit.

~John F. Kennedy~

greatest mistake

"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one."

~ Elbert Hubbard ~

ashes than dust

"I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark would burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time."


~Jack London~

what is the right path?

an excerpt from the book,
Teaching of Don Juan by Carlos Castaneda:

Anything is one of a million paths. Therefore you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if you feel you should not follow it, you must not stay with it under any conditions. To have such clarity you must lead a disciplined life. Only then will you know that any path is only a path and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you to do. But your decision to keep on the path or to leave it must be free of fear or ambition. I warn you. Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary.

This question is one that only a very old man asks. Does this path have a heart? All paths are the same: they lead nowhere. They are paths going through the bush, or into the bush. In my own life I could say I have traversed long long paths, but I am not anywhere. Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't, it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn't. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you.

Before you embark on any path ask the question: Does this path have a heart? If the answer is no, you will know it, and then you must choose another path. The trouble is nobody asks the question; and when a man finally realizes that he has taken a path without a heart, the path is ready to kill him. At that point very few men can stop to deliberate, and leave the path. A path without a heart is never enjoyable. You have to work hard even to take it. On the other hand, a path with heart is easy; it does not make you work at liking it.

I have told you that to choose a path you must be free from fear and ambition. The desire to learn is not ambition. It is our lot as men to want to know.

The path without a heart will turn against men and destroy them. It does not take much to die, and to seek death is to seek nothing.

For me there is only the traveling on the paths that have a heart, on any path that may have a heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge for me is to traverse its full length. And there I travel--looking, looking, breathlessly.

risk

RISK

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas, your dreams, before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing dies nothing, has nothing and is nothing.
They say they avoid suffering and sorrow,
But they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live...
Chained by their attitudes, they are slaves.
They have forfeited their freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.

-- Anonymous

who is the next design star?

the title of this blog is the title of the reality show on HGTV.
it is like the American Idol for interior designers.

yesterday, i was extremely depressed and discouraged from pursuing fashion.
this was after reading a book called The Fashion Designer Survival Guide.
what i got from the book was the illusion that fashion is all about having the capital to pursue it.

while that was extremely valid, i never really used lack of money as an excuse in my past endeavors in life.

but somehow it did this time.

tonight, i saw a timely episode of this interior designer challenge.
the remaining contestants were each given 399 dollars to shop at a 99 cent store.
with only 2 days to transform a small white room, with a white table.
a blank canvas, if you will.

Tod, a relatively decent hunk in a non-hunk carpenter way, did a room that just shocked me out of my creative block and depression.

on the white wall, he painted a huge blue tidal wave that 'literally' smashed and drowned the furniture in the room.

it was completely unsafe and out of the box.
one that could have eliminated him for the impracticality of someone being able to live in that room in real life.

in the last minutes of the challenge, he was interviewed.
he said he did not want to play it safe.
what i liked about him was his complete confidence with the danger.
it was as if the risk was completely not taken into consideration.

he simply just wanted to be creative.

and he ultimately won the challenge.

here is the link to the actual site:
http://www.hgtv.com/hgtv/design_star/

Wes Anderson

Wes Anderson, the filmmaker, represents another side of me.
my natural tendency to be philosophical and cool at the same time.

i like how he packages wisdom in a witty amusing way.
i do that also.
package spiritual truth in easy morsels coated with humor.

that is why i cannot wait to see his new film come September, The Darjeeling Limited.

set in India.
loaded with spiritual truth.
package as a independent comedy.
just like me.

his films did very well commercially.

he was true to his Creative Voice.
and he inspires me to do the same.

his concepts, i am sure, would not have passed the approving standards of mainstream Hollywood.
but he stuck to his guts.
and created a successful audience loyal to him.

just recently, i had a panic attack regarding my first menswear collection.
that no one will buy it.
or i have no way of financing its production or distribution.

on an episode on Charlie Rose, Wes Anderson was asked:
what type of audience watches your film?

Wes replied:
Outsiders.

the true creative types will respond to my Creation and Creativity.
come to think of it, i just need to have faith.
that people, in general, not just an elect elitist few, respond to someone who is True and expresses a Truth.
people smell fakeness.
people miss those who are sincere and authentic.

this is what i am now banking on.

the most celebrated and influential works were also the most original.
and i choose to be original.

a letter to a good friend

below is an email to my best friend, francis:

dearest francis,

i wish to invent a quote:
We can only be human among true friends.
To the rest of the world, we appear courageous.

let me take this rare opportunity to be one... human.

i just finished making the samples of my first menswear collection.
and i am honestly shaking and scared.

it did not help that, today, i read a book called:
The Fashion Designer Survival Guide.

i was not the same after reading it.
as soon as i emerged from the library, i experienced this lingering fear that things may not be easy after all.

that fashion is really about money and having the capital to do it.
i have neither of the above.

i think i am having a panic attack.
my brain is bombarded by random thoughts.
as varied as they may be, they all stem from the fear that this may ultimately fail.

i am not sure if you have across this piece of wisdom yet.
but i read somewhere that each one of us is burdened by a Singular Dysfunction.
that when we reincarnated, there is this Most Important Lesson about Life or Falsehood that we must battle.

i think mine is INTEGRITY.
it is being true to the voice.
it is being absolutely unapologetically true to myself.

as scared as i am of this,
i decided to push through with it.

as a creative visionary, i silently believe that i am an ORIGINAL.
that i am at the forefront of something new and untested.

as i am writing this email, i know that i must have faith.
and, actually play a different set of rules to sell my collection.

i will have to create a new business model to distribute it and sell it to consumers.
i have ideas on how to go about it.
they are simply too radical.

the next time i talk to you about this will probably be next year when all the final samples are ready.
and on models.
and on photos and styled photo shoots.

i guess i am feeling this fear because i am actually playing in the battlefield.
and moved way beyond the talking and thinking and pondering whether to do it or not.
i did it already.
i started.
and this is how athletes who are in the game must feel.
a feeling that spectators of a sport never fully understand.
because they are simply witnesses.

francis,
now that i am touching my Greater Destiny,
i am shaking.

but i will move head on.

how is your journey so far, my friend?

think small NOT big

i know, when you first saw the title of this post, it probably turned you off.

any reasonably self-aware individual knows that thinking big in life is the way to achieve Dreams.

true.

but thinking small is the key to thinking big.

Thinking Big means being open to your highest potential and highest goals for yourself.

Thinking Small is the process to fulfill those Big Dreams.

to explain:
it means a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

start somewhere.
make that small move.
start from point 1.
followed by 2.
then the next.
pretty soon, one thousand small steps will lead you to the finishing line.

this was huge for me.

i always think of life from a big perspective.
while that part is good, the accompanying tendency to get anxious about how to get there, was bad for my sanity.

so when Wayne Dreyer (a self-help inspirational speaker) was featured on an PBS episode and started talking about the Tao Te-Ching, i knew i had to listen.

he was giving a talk about his new book...
i think the title of his book was Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life.

so today, i finally ended my mental block and my procrastination.

i finished the first draft of my first ever menswear collection.
not just sketches.
but the actual physical samples.

and they look promising.

A.I.

i just saw the film, A.I., two days in a row on television.

and the last parts still had the same emotional impact on me.
i seem to gravitate to films with emotional and profound messages about love and existence.
and this film has both.

there were some parts that i still did not comprehend.
so i did a search on Wikipedia to figure out the plot.

following is my favorite part on that Wikipedia mention:

In a review for The New York Times by A. O. Scott, A.I is described as the "best fairy tale — the most disturbing, complex and intellectually challenging boy's adventure story — Mr. Spielberg has made." He comments on the film's ending:

... For the second time the movie swerves away from where it seemed to be going, and Mr. Spielberg, with breathtaking poise and heroic conviction, risks absurdity in the pursuit of sublimity. The very end somehow fuses the cathartic comfort of infantile wish fulfillment — the dream that the first perfect love whose loss we experience as the fall from Eden might be restored — with a feeling almost too terrible to acknowledge or to name. Refusing to cuddle us or lull us into easy sleep, Mr. Spielberg locates the unspoken moral of all our fairy tales. To be real is to be mortal; to be human is to love, to dream and to perish.

source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artificial_Intelligence:_A.I.

my Testimonials on Friendster

i like the Testimonials aspect of Friendster.
it is a space where people share how they feel and what they really think about you.

these are things they do not normally say.

below are my favorite ones...

from Carlo, my younger brother:

Carlo Inigo
Posted 03/03/2007 06:32 AM

My brother, Kuya Kris. He doesn't want to be called a genius but I do call him that behind his back. I even tell my friends that his intellect is beyond us mortals. That is to say that I'm so proud of him and being his sibling that I brag about him to others.

These are not empty praises. He really thinks differently and has motivated me everytime I speak to him. I have run to him during the few crossroads in my life and has provided the only advice amongst many that I have followed.

I admire and envy his accomplishments , making me strive harder in my own tribulations.

from my ex-co worker Jon:

Jon
Posted 09/07/2004 08:12 AM

All day long, Kristian sits behind me, his calm, pleasant voice wooing customers and calming angry callers. I am so pleased that my own clothing choice has made a blip, albeit minor, in his ever-active radar of cutting edge fashion critique and design. Some day, when Galliano and Dior are only shadows of the House of Kristian Cruz, I'll say I knew him when... For now, I'll be pleased to work with such a charming, upbeat, introspective lad with mainly impeccable movie taste. His interest in culture and art serves as an inspiration to me, as we commisurate over our continued quest for knowledge and creativity.

from my ex-boss, Francis:

Francis xavier
Posted 07/22/2004 8:56 PM

I had always believed that Kristian is destined for greater things. Just look into his eyes and you will see the passion of doing the impossible. I will surely miss our talks over mango shake, pita bread and shawarma-- about life, about our dreams, or even about "Klasmeyts." I surely hope to see his fashion empire in the future. He has always regarded me as his "guru" but I also learned a lot from him. He is a complete person, sharing his completeness with the universe. I know the whole universe will conspire to make your lofty dreams a reality. God bless.

from a former classmate at French 2 class:

Theodore
Posted 07/04/2004 12:50 AM

Grabe, bow ako sa creativity ng taong to! A true artist! Di ko pa rin makakalimutan ang pinagawa nya sa grupo namin sa French class nung college. Pina-avant garde fashion show ba naman kami wearing self-designed apparel made of black trash bags! :) Hanggang ngayon, sabi ni Mademoiselle Ventanilla, pinaka-da best pa rin yung group presentation naming yun. Pero me kajologan din tong si Tian eh. Hehehe. Spice Girls fan to dati. Peace! :D

in 5 days, i shall delete my whole Friendster profile.

may i never forget how important I am and how important i was to people.

my Friendster profile

i made an announcement.
i am deleting my Friendster account.

below is a copy of my profile:

i was reluctant to join Friendster for fear that i'm too much of an introvert.

most of my friends are here though which is incentive enough to give it a try.

i exude an air of extreme arrogance, yet in reality modest in most aspects. with a seeming air of aloofness, though sociable and charismatic when the trust is established. extremely serious but crazy enough to be called the life of the party. known to ponder on life's meaning too intensely but really grounded enough to enjoy a brainless TV show.

being authentic is extremely important to me. more than being liked by people. but, i believe authenticity must be balanced with kindness.

to sum it up, i am true to myself and try to be kind to other people. the other details will have to be supplied by what others will write about me :)

as a shortcut, you can watch the film, Garden State, and think of the lead guy as an extremely accurate portrayal of my character tone.

Who I Want to Meet:

i'd love to meet entrepreneurs and creative visionaries here. i have great admiration for people who want to start their own business or those with enough vision to change the world for the better.

and... the Dalai Lama. wisdom will always be the new black.

with the recent addition of: Oliver Heath (creative genius !!!)