your fear will take you there

i once attended one of those self-help seminars while i was still in manila.

the basis of which was the premise:
what you think is what you create.

that, i got.

the reason i went there was primarily for Direction.
i did not know what my Calling / True Career was.

did i get a realization about what my Ultimate Occupation would be during the seminar?

yes.
and no.

yes:
because during a writing exercise, i had a vision of what that Calling in life would look like in concrete form.
miraculously, this is what i am doing now.

no:
because the form it took continued to be general.
meaning, it did not specifically say which among the various permutations and options i must pursue first.

during the last day of the seminar,
the speaker shared a quote.
something to the effect of:

What you fear will point you to the direction of what you need to do next.

this was uncomfortable to me.
because if i followed its suggestion, it would take me so out and beyond my comfort zone.
the stakes were too high.

a year after that seminar,
i did face my fear.
except that when i finally made a decision to face it and do it,
i was surprisingly calm.
even brave.

this is what wise men spoke of.
it is called Decision.
when the soul is ready to make a decision,
it does it.
and it is final.
and it has power.

it has been 5 years since i left everything behind in Manila.

and i survived and thrived in New York.

i do not like Dr. Phil's nastiness as a self-help talk show host.
but he said one thing that changed my life for the better.
he said (to paraphrase):

Life is Managed, not Cured.

meaning,
life will never be completely okay.
nor stable.

one success leads to another goal that must be accomplished.
human beings and their journey is about a progression of goals.

i've accomplished several important Life Goals in New York.

now, i come face to face with another one.
one that i've evaded in Manila.
that is now confronting me here in my new homeland.

i know this is my next step in life because pursuing it scares me too death.
and i ironically cannot stop thinking about it.

i know i must confront it once and for all.
because if not now, when?

my next business venture is so close to my heart.
every time i open my notebook to start writing my ideas, my heart literally palpitates.
my creativity is blocked and i know it is because i unconsciously do not want to confront it yet.

today, on a Sunday, i am determined to open my notebook again.
and here i am evading it once more.
by writing a post on this blog.

after this post,
i will take a shower.
and after that shower, i will finally open that notebook again.

today is the day.
let the journey towards a Dream begin once again.