Sunday, March 25, 2007

your fear will take you there

i once attended one of those self-help seminars while i was still in manila.

the basis of which was the premise:
what you think is what you create.

that, i got.

the reason i went there was primarily for Direction.
i did not know what my Calling / True Career was.

did i get a realization about what my Ultimate Occupation would be during the seminar?

and no.

because during a writing exercise, i had a vision of what that Calling in life would look like in concrete form.
miraculously, this is what i am doing now.

because the form it took continued to be general.
meaning, it did not specifically say which among the various permutations and options i must pursue first.

during the last day of the seminar,
the speaker shared a quote.
something to the effect of:

What you fear will point you to the direction of what you need to do next.

this was uncomfortable to me.
because if i followed its suggestion, it would take me so out and beyond my comfort zone.
the stakes were too high.

a year after that seminar,
i did face my fear.
except that when i finally made a decision to face it and do it,
i was surprisingly calm.
even brave.

this is what wise men spoke of.
it is called Decision.
when the soul is ready to make a decision,
it does it.
and it is final.
and it has power.

it has been 5 years since i left everything behind in Manila.

and i survived and thrived in New York.

i do not like Dr. Phil's nastiness as a self-help talk show host.
but he said one thing that changed my life for the better.
he said (to paraphrase):

Life is Managed, not Cured.

life will never be completely okay.
nor stable.

one success leads to another goal that must be accomplished.
human beings and their journey is about a progression of goals.

i've accomplished several important Life Goals in New York.

now, i come face to face with another one.
one that i've evaded in Manila.
that is now confronting me here in my new homeland.

i know this is my next step in life because pursuing it scares me too death.
and i ironically cannot stop thinking about it.

i know i must confront it once and for all.
because if not now, when?

my next business venture is so close to my heart.
every time i open my notebook to start writing my ideas, my heart literally palpitates.
my creativity is blocked and i know it is because i unconsciously do not want to confront it yet.

today, on a Sunday, i am determined to open my notebook again.
and here i am evading it once more.
by writing a post on this blog.

after this post,
i will take a shower.
and after that shower, i will finally open that notebook again.

today is the day.
let the journey towards a Dream begin once again.

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